Satirical Jobseeker Tweets

Jobseeker: “There’s a recommended engineering job on a nuclear power station. I am only a cleaner.  I have been told to go for it as within an hour.”

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Job Club Leader “The real reason why you didn’t get an interview, is because you didn’t use blue laid paper for your CV”.

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Job Club Leader “Tip:Never put reading or other solitary pursuits on your CV as it means you are not a team player. Employers hate people who read.”

Very well qualified jobs seeker: Why didn’t I get the job?

Interviewer: You didn’t look me in the eye, we didn’t think you would fit in (stupid true case)

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Job Seeker “As a creative person with purple tinted hair, I’m going to wear a brunette wig for my office job interview.”

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Jobseeker told to go on two CV courses a week, no doubt the second course will re-do the  ‘terrible’ CV

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Jobseeker: Why didn’t I  get the job?

Interview: We didn’t think you could work in a team?

Jobseeker: Oh you mean I forgot to say in my interests, that I am work as a Special Constable.

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Job Growth …. of Satirists

The ever increasing tricks and punishments dished out to those who are out-of-work is the ideal stomping ground for satirists.

For example, on Twitter  @UK_JCP  has sprung up. The fledgling account is known as Job Centre Plebs and it states that it is ‘a satirical/spoof account highlighting the sorry state of UK employment and benefits’.

In edition to this, the penal system encourages a growth of writers and artists, not to mention social historians.

Satirists may go freelance and send their DWP stories and cartoons to, say, Private Eye magazine.

I have suggested to Private Eye that they have a weekly Universal  Mismatch column because of the superb schemes and eye watering stories that the DWP can wildy think up to cleanse ‘Jeremy Kyle watching scroungers’ off the system. You can find them on Twitter: @Private Eyenews and their email is strobes@private-eye.co.uk.

There is nothing stopping Job Centre staff doing the same under a pen name. I know that some Job Centre staff are writers in their spare time. They are also victims as they’re just being bullied by the system.  As job centres close, they also willl also end up in the penal system. It is just a matter of time.They will also get the brunt of it, being on the front line with no no hard glass to protect them.

However, writing and art is discouraged lby the DWP. They won’t fund  courses, and just want people to work in offices where jobs are now becoming few and far between as office close down.

Not only do they refuse to fund these, they won’t fund useful courses in agriculture and horticulture. I know people who have been turned down for funding when they wanted to be a self-employed tree surgeon (and they had been offered a job once they were qualified). Level 2 Horticultural qualifications are not being funded even though in rural areas, there are a lot of nurseries and less office jobs. If people don’t fit an office job, then they remain out-of-work even longer. Herefordshire has one of the highest unemployment figuresin this country.

Westminster Council wants charity soup kitchens to be banned and the homeless removed. It is all getting a bit crazy.

But the lack of logic just fuels satirists, there is just no end to the heavy handed  nonsensical regime.

So if you are a writer, cartoonist, artist, filmaker, budding politican, this is your time.

Keep your job rejections, they could make an interesting origami art project an art exhibition, and afterwards you can use it to make a fire for your heating.