As the agencies are generally now useless in getting me jobs, I have to face reality that I may not even get a job at Christmas.
I have already told close friends, and today is the day I am going to tell my family that I won’t be doing it at all this year. Not at all.
They don’t need to buy me anything and I can’t get anything for them anyway. Of course, people say just ‘make something’ but many people in today’s world, don’t want this, and after all, if you do make things, the present could look ‘small’ and, again, in today’s society, big is better. It is ridiculous really. And not everyone appreciates the ‘Action Gift’ ie when you do their gardening for them, they see it as a free service, and not a present. Personally I don’t mind small and handmade things, but my family aren’t really quite like that, and they are Tory so they are on a different mindset.They are more likely to spend money on Christmas even if they are going through difficulties themselves.
I don’t like waste too. Last year I got vouchers for a relative and after a year they still haven’t used it and now it is expired.his has happened twice with the same person now, and they even asked for a voucher. And then I gave some money for my relative to buy a special orchard tree, but they didn’t spend the money on that even if they liked the idea. (I don’t have a car, so I couldn’t exactly go and get it myself. ) So I was a bit annoyed about that. It is a lot of money for me and to know that they didn’t use it is just annoying. If they don’t even use it, why should I get them anything? I know this happens at Christmas anyway, but when you are out of work buying presents replaces your food money! i do feel I have more problems with Tory relatives on being poor at Christmas rather than Labour or Greens, who accept this happens are generally ok with it. Tories seem to think everyone has the money to buy big presents.
I don’t really want to feel uncomfortable, and have the lectures ‘why haven’t you still got a job?’ I just don’t have the money and I don’t want any more stress and anxiety. So the best thing is for me to cancel Christmas.. After all I have to do my fruitless search on Universal Jobmismatch on Christmas Day for several hours, and of course, I won’t even be in the mood for it either!
Fortunately for me, I enjoy others enjoying themselves, although probably, under the circumstances, not at close proximity. Guilt is another thing, one feels ‘bad’ that you don’t have a job even if you are doing the right things to get them, and employers are just picking 20 year olds as they are cheap. Being unemployed is not your ‘fault’.
I like a good cycle ride on Christmas Day. I hope to be in London. This will be the first time I will spend Christmas there. I hear that all the roads are empty and quiet. It will be amazing and surreal. I have always wanted to be in London on Christmas Day. Being a cyclist, I really like it with no cars.
I have thought about voluntary work. Well, I will be doing some, and I have thought about working in a soup kitchen, but I am not sure I could cope with that, being round a lot of people is daunting on Christmas Day. I like the quiet. Maybe I can do some Christmas volunteer work before Christmas Day? I have also thought of looking out for suicides on the bridges on Christmas Day. Christmas Day is a sad and lonely time. I hope to do a Suicide Prevention Course in a few weeks and I could practice what I learned. I am a bit nervous about this but I am well aware that life is not perfect, and people are going through a lot of crap.
So today is the day I will tell the family all this, that I have cancelled Christmas this year, and not to worry about me. It is ok. In some ways they may be pleased, because they also are going through a hard financial time. So releasing them of that pressure would be good for them too.
I feel that a lot of weight is off my mind. I am not Christian, so this is more of a relief too. We don’t have to do ‘Christmas’, although we can, but in our own way. We have to remember that we are not alone, many people in the UK are not celebrating Christmas for a variety of reasons, ,and they could be poverty stricken too, but hey, after Christmas we could be a lot more in debt, and this is even worse. And making people spend money on us, is not good for them too.